Agoraphobia Help
Hey Everyone- I’m new here. I’m desperately looking for advice because I’m at the end of my rope.
I’m 42f. I have always been a high strung, anxious person my whole life, but it never held me back. I was driven and used that anxious energy to succeed in life. I worked in healthcare for about 19 years. Started clinical and managed to work myself into a leadership role. Ended up in my dream job for about 9 years. Then Covid hit and it caused me so much stress that I left the job I loved for a long time and moved to a smaller healthcare practice. Still a manager but much smaller group.
Everything was going well but I did start to feel a little more anxious but didn’t put much thought into it.
Then my doctor prescribed me a GLP medication to help with weight loss. I took it the first week and felt great. I took it the second week and everything started ok but then one night driving home late from work I freaked out. I felt like I was passing out behind the wheel. I was shaking so hard my car couldn’t stay between the lines. I was so scared I called my husband and told him what was going on. I ended up pulling over and called 911. I was leaning over in my car shaking so bad and told the 911 operator that I was dying. I truly felt like I was. I told her what to say to my family and that to tell my daughter how much I love her because I wasn’t going to make it.
Ambulance showed up. All vitals were fine. They brought me to ER and it was so packed I couldn’t even get a room. My husband showed up and I told him just take me home. It was Valentine’s Day and I only wanted to see my daughter. I thought if I die I want to die seeing my daughter’s face one last time.
Well I didn’t die. Ever since that day I am plagued with chronic anxiety and panic attacks. At first I couldn’t even walk outside to my mailbox. I continued to push myself every day. Now I can drive again but only to maybe a 5 mile radius in my area. I still can’t drive on interstate.
I’m out of shape because I am too scared to workout and get my heart rate up. Which has been an issue lately although I have had test showing no arrhythmia.
I found a WFH job that I do love and I’m very good at it. Overall I’m doing better. If my husband is driving I can go anywhere and had even traveled 1500 miles with him. But if I am driving I never could do it.
Today I had a breakdown. My dog, who is my baby, started choking. Thankfully she is ok but the thoughts of what if she wasn’t ok flooded me. What if I had to drive her to the nearest vet emergency which is an hour away. I don’t think I could have done it. At that point I collapsed and cried so hard I couldn’t breathe.
I want my life back. I used to go to concerts 3-4 hours away all the time. Music was my life. I want to take long rides in the country again and let the sun shine on my face and listen to music. I want to drive to my doctor’s office to get a checkup. I just need my life back because I can’t do this anymore. I’m a shell of who I used to be.
I have signed up for counseling but it is a 8 month wait. My symptoms have been going on for 2 years now. Any advice or stories to share. Sorry this is so long.