u/Admirable-Iron-8732

So I'm fifteen and looking to join the army as soon as im sixteen, I completed my application the day I was old enough and it stopped me because I've tried to kill myself. It was years ago (i was thirteen) and gave me a headache at most and it was very impulsive. My dad's helping me and trying to talk to someone to explain and say how much my mental health has improved since so if anyone has any experience with this sort of thing please help, I've wanted to join for so long and I don't care what job it is I just really really wanna be in the army

TW: mentions of sh, suicide, abuse, transphobia

Okay so I'm fifteen (genderfluid, any pronouns) and I live in the uk with mostly my mother but her and my dad recently got back together so he stays over most nights.

I thought they were for sure toxic but my therapist said we have a normal relationship so please help because I've got no goddamn clue.

When I first transitioned female to non binary a couple years ago, both of my parents would refuse to call me my preferred pronouns (they/them at the time) and i had to break down in front of them multiple times and beg them before they stopped deadnaming me, and it took them about six months to start calling me they/them. They do pretty well now and they call me he, but about a year ago I started to use it/its and they refused to even try to call me it at all.

Ive struggled with mental health issues for about eight years, told them about it four-ish years ago and they've been mostly great, except for when I started showing symptoms of mental illness. I would get mocked for staying in my room and hurting myself, any time I bring up my (eight) suicide attempts my mum rolls her eyes and says something along the lines of "here we go again" and has recently starting joking about my self harm again.

My dad's been okay with it and I know he tries to help but he doesn't a lot of the time, he makes it worse and gets offended when i say that.

I've had online friends who I've known since 2023 and we've grown apart a lot but they helped me through some of my hardest days and are my favourite people, even if we speak once a week. My parents don't believe they're the people they say and think they're sixty year old men grooming me (ive called a bunch of them multiple times so they are who they say). If i piss them off, my parents will lock my phone so I can't talk to anyone and when I was 14-15 they didn't let me have a phone for 11 months ish. My friends thought id died.

I have been groomed multiple times, been in a handful of abusive relationships and I'm just now, over a year later, figuring out how to deal with it. Kind of.

The other day i asked my mother if she has a pencil sharpener and she said "you've taken the blades out of most of them and used them for cutting so no, I don't think so." Would it really have been so hard for her to just say no??? She's so insensitive about that sort of thing and she just does not care and I hate it.

I remember a couple years ago, she said how yeah she "loves me unconditionally but it ends somewhere." So like, not unconditional then. She's also said she hates me a bunch, thrown stuff at my face, swung to hit me but missed and kicked my bedroom door, multiple times.

My dad will, when I get upset, do stuff that he knows pisses me off and makes me have panic attacks, he will call me a bully and sit on my bedroom floor so I can't leave or shut the door and then gets mad at me for pushing him out (I know I shouldnt but thats the only way i can get him to leave), lock my phone so i cant contact anyone, turn the WiFi off so i cant use the tv as a distraction and once i told him I dont wanna go to my room because i have pills and am tempted to overdose cuz i had a shitty day, he told me watch my language and go to my room to calm down.

You get the point. Please help me, is this normal??