idk these are just a few things I’ve noticed myself doing, does anyone relate?
When I’m out alone (waiting for a bus, going on a walk alone, whatever else) I notice I’m constantly performing. Walking slightly faster than I need to, looking at my phone like I just got a message, glancing around like I’m scanning for the friend I’m meeting. All of it is for no one in particular. I just can’t stand the idea of visibly being a person who is just alone with no destination. Like my existence in public requires a justification.
And another one is that my relatives have this idea of me as kind of a quiet, oblivious guy. And I’ve kind of accidentally built that image because I go quiet at gatherings and I pretend to not understand when I don’t want to engage. Feels like I’ve let people think I’m simpler than I am. But it means that they have the most wrong picture of who I actually am. There’s all these things I think about, care about, find funny that basically no one sees.
And the last one is that I constantly have imaginary conversations in my head with people I know. I’ll test jokes on them mentally. Preparing answers for questions they’ll never ask. Sometimes I’ll spend twenty minutes working out how a conversation would go with someone and then we don’t speak at all and I still have the conversation again in my head anyway. It used to be mostly with people I knew vaguely. Lately it’s been more with people I’m actually trying to get to know which somehow makes it worse.
anyways just curious if anyone else does this stuff