u/AdhesivenessOk5534

Genuinely why has this been such an issue lately???

I cant do it anymore im in so much pain all the time

I cant do this, I cant take pain meds, I cant even go to the hospital to get mental health treatment bc they cant accommodate my g j and definitely not my port

I feel so lost, im in pain while I sleep I wake up every 30 or so minutes in excruciating pain

And I cant even kill myself bc I suck at it and have failed so many times

Im at a loss, im so done

Eta: when is it acceptable to call 911 and go to the er im so miserable in this pain I just want it to stop

Esit: ty to everyone's kind words im just so overwhelmed with things I cant respond much but please know that it has greatly improved my morale tysm

My fiancé is in AIT right now until November I think

Im worried that my mental and physical health conditions will impact his future station's. I do not have anyone i can stay with, and cannot be left in another country by myself due to my complex medical and mental health history

My issues are very very severe and I have several conditions that are rare and difficult to treat

Idk if it helps but ill list my diagnoses, I am on disability and all of these were reported and verified by medical personnel I have to state this because this list is insane

Mental health wise I have:

Bipolar 1 with psychotic features present only during mania (I am in remission for this and havent had an epsiode because I am medicine compliant and on the correct dose)

Autism spectrum disorder level 1

Obsessive-compulsive disorder

Specific phobia, other (emetophobia)

Once again this is diagnosed clinically I have a huge trauma background hence why I can't stay with anyone else because the only people I know is my family and theyre the reason for my trauma

Dissociative identity disorder

Complex post-traumatic stress disorder

Generalized anxiety disorder

Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder

Neurological:

Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia syndrome primarily hyperadrenergic (hyperPOTs)

Epilepsy (controlled by medicine)

Tourette syndrome (controlled by medicine)

Physically:

Gastroparesis (I have a surgical g j tube for tube feedings, i also have a port implanted for fluids)

GERD

LPR

Intermittent Pericricoarytenoid muscle paralysis

Esophageal dysmotility

Intestinal dysmotility

Celiac disease

Classical-like Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome

Scoliosis

Asthma

And a few more im forgetting

We are about to start the process for EMFP its taking a while to gather documentation because my mental and physical health history is very long

Im scared that all of this would impact him in some sort of way maybe its my parents words getting into my head but I could really use some advice and reassurance

Tysm for reading this far

This disease has stolen almost everything from me.