u/AdhesivenessNo9240

My boyfriend (32) has a brother (18) who is, clinically speaking, a psychopath. He has many things going on, a rather complex case that even his doctors failed to map out completely. He is unable to live on his own and practically a danger to his family unless heavily medicated. He used to live in a facility but the mother didn't want her son to live out his life in a psychiatric ward so she took it upon herself to do the daily care. My boyfriend's brother is unable to feel real love and connection, the only thing he recognizes in familiar relationships is that there is money and gifts involved. So he is practically bombarding the whole family with 20+ phone calls a day saying "I love you and I want that PS4 by next month" and things like that.
My bf used to support them with money but had to stop after a while because he needed the money to pursue his own life, and his mom's financial status got somewhat stabilized. He is not accepting money or gifts from his own family unless something symbolic because he understands that they need every single penny.
Which is ok, but here is the problem: the mom realised the only thing to keep the younger son "happy" and not agressive is by gifting them the newest tech every time. The freshest iPhone. A new Macbook. The PS4. The Apple Watch. Doing this all despite their financial situation not allowing it.
So we are back at it again, my bf having to send money for sht he would never buy for himself. Last time he downright refused saying that he doesn't have a child of his own because he doesn't have the money to support it and he doesn't want a child by proxy. The mom got angry saying that the brother is his responsibility for life too. He said that's emotional blackmail and his brother is not his child. And that the mother is doing the worst possible thing now creating a Mariana Trench of dependance between the younger son and the family which will ruin my bf, his future marriage (we have been touching this topic between us already) and that she can't expect us to keep the tradition of exploitation she introduced out of weakness. She said she knows that, but insists that the son has no other pleasures in life and everyone must give in to that.
My bf is devastated and terrified of having to take care a future 40-year-old child once the mother ages out of care. They don't even live in the same country, and the possibility of finding a care home is rapidly fading because nothing is good enough for the mother so the authorities are getting tired of them.