u/Additional_Taro_308

I’ve lost everything. My health (workplace injuries back to back exacerbating my ptsd to permanent and chronic status), ability to work, career, home and relationships. I’m now living with my parents and running two legal proceedings against my employers so let’s just say that has kept me in severe ptsd but despite not wanting to be alive so many times I have kept pushing and fighting and trying to push through. It’s been the scariest time of my life and then I started awakening. In the world. As it is right now. It’s terrifying. And it’s made me dissociate for over a year now. Dissociation just happens to feel like my ptsd nightmares of waking up and feeling like I’ve just died so being dissociated makes me feel sheer terror all the time and it’s kept me from facing my fears. Understanding that though has been helpful to keep trying to pendulate into the fear and back to accept it - to balance the dark with the light. To eliminate the fear. That feels like the goal I’m being pulled toward. But oh my goodness I feel insane and it’s all happening at a time where I have no one to talk to so I feel crazy all the time. It’s like im constantly having to manage the fear and talk myself through it and it’s shifting things but still terrifying. I’m finding grounding and meditation to be key and nature and walking. Any other tips and anyone else experiencing sheer terror in their awakening like this? Thanks in advance for sharing your knowledge with me. It’s been a lonely road.