Ex is violating custody order and I have yet to file a complaint.
I am at my wits end with this "coparenting" thing. This is a classic case of high conflict.
This is a vent/when is the time to strike post.
Short- Im constantly defending my parental time granted to me in the custody order.
Long- 90% of any child related matters are an argument.
All true examples:
Example 1: I have my weekend visitation. My ex decides she want to move her storage units and DEMANDS to have my son help her move on my time. The whole phone conversation was recorded (both parties were aware of the recording). My argument- this is my parental time. Do this on yours. I get the boys 4 days a month. I was met with the classic selfish accusations, only thinking about me. Can't every compromise. Sorry lady. Don't need to compromise on custody issues anymore. Did that, got it signed by a judge.
Example 2: My children brought me the lovely gift of covid and the flu (at the same time, no they were not symptomatic at that time). They show symptoms Monday after the visit. Of course I get blamed but I start symptoms on Wednesday. She didn't take them to urgent care or any doctor. Their fevers were hovering around 103-104. I was 105 at one point and went to urgent care, tested positive for covid and flu A. Everyone survived but the boys weren't taken to urgent care until a month after when their coughs wouldn't go away. Why they didn't go to their PCM, I dont know. Urgent care called the coughs "allergies". Eh, plausible at this point. It is spring. Fast forward 2 weeks my youngest who's autistic and doesnt have the grasp on how to not swallow mucus is vomiting when he has coughing fits. Its like every 10 seconds this poor boy was coughing. I wasnt aware of the vomiting thing until my most recent visitation. Both boys have a PCM appointment in 2 weeks for "allergies" but I messaged my ex and suggested it would be prudent to get them in earlier, you know, since the youngest cant keep food down. I was met with "this rarely happens". She began suggesting all the things in my house that could be triggering his allergies. My detergent, air filters, pollen in my area (were 20 min apart). I wasnt disputing it could be allergies but let's get him a sooner appointment to get it under control sooner. Her response was "if you feel its that serious, take him to urgent care yourself". So frustrating.
Example 3: I get 2, 2 week periods in the summer, uninterrupted. Its first come first serve as long as the notice is more than 30 days. I give both periods, first 2 weeks in June and first 2 weeks in July. Of course the ex thinks she has control over my parental time and says I have too many summer weekends. After the pitching and groning I offer 2 of my weekends throughout the summer. No trade, just take them and shut up. That was the first mistake. Naturally that wasnt good enough but because I offered them, they are now gone. The pitching continues. She threw her 2 weeks notice for the last 2 weeks in June. Told her that runs over fathers day weekend, which I was granted from the custody order and ill be picking up the boys at the time and location I always do. Well, after more arguing about who the boys spend fathers day with, I ask her if shes going to deny my fathers day weekend parental time. She said yes but offered me Sunday. When I said no, im granted the whole weekend, I was accused of never compromising. Again, dont need to compromise on something that is rightfully mine. To top this all off, shes scheduled sleep overs with my son's friends and has warned my son im attempting to take him away from that and wont let him see his friends. What the hell Karen? Why? Why would those words escape your mouth?
There are many many more examples and I am so tired of arguing over things that have already been established. I have yet to file anything with my attorney to go to court with. My attorney just says to keep documenting the incidents. But when is enough, enough?
Here is a short synopsis of my ex. This will lead to my last point so bare with me.
We've been separated for 18 months (divorce delayed due to mediation and other crap). She has yet to submit one singular resume. She has done absolutely nothing of substance to find employment. Her excuses include taking care of our autistic son (hes in 3rd grade and attends public school). Hes also mostly self sufficient at home. Then it was "I need ankle surgery and no job is going to let me take 8 weeks off". She never got any surgery. Then it was "no one will hire part time during school hours". Maybe, but ive contacted child care facilities im the area amd they have open slots and are capable of handling his needs. Its just one excuse after another. She also has an 18 year old daughter WHO PRIMARILY CARES FOR HIM. My ex send her daughter to pick the boys up from my house at the end of visitation, her daughter attends the older sons after school activities instead of the mom (yes im there as well). The daughter complains to me about having to make the house food.
My ex also has less than a year to refinance or sell the home. She cant refinance. There is absolutely no way without a w-2 history. Who's going to rent to her without proof of income? Maybe the child support will suffice. If it doesnt, what happens to the kids? Will they be homeless? This woman also has 5 dogs that she will not get rid of (long story but accurate). She's gotta make some big girl choices amd soon.
I know this sounds like im not giving my ex credit for anything, amd to some extent that is true. There is so much more than these seamingly petty examples. She's outsourcing her responsibilities. Maybe shes allowed to, I dont know. Meanwhile, (im not complaining about the amount but the one-sided nature of things), im paying a rather hefty amount of child support. Its enough to cover her mortgage and living expenses for the 4 poeple im that house. Im now stuck working 50 hours a week because when child support was recalculated, I was working extra to afford the attorney fees amd had been for about 6 months. Can't reduce my hours now or im a dead beat.
I so badly want to take my children away from that environment. Do I jist save all this crap up for one big motion or do I "go to court" everytime she violates the custody order?
Im so stressed out and tired of dealing with her lack of reality.