It physically hurts me to not be on stage
I (18F) have been singing and performing since I was a little kid. It’s always something that’s been in my blood, despite no one in my family being musical. Every time I go to see a musical or see a band/singer on stage I feel physically sick or excited, like I need to be up where they are, doing what they’re doing, sharing my music with the world. When I watch singer documentaries I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of need, like I can picture myself exactly where that artist is and nowhere else. I don’t really know how to cope anymore.
I grew up in a very conservative and strict home, so I wasn’t ever allowed to start a YouTube channel to get myself out there or listen to artists that inspire me now like Billie Eilish. I feel almost behind in the game because of that. I write songs regularly, but I’m scared I’m not good enough for people to want to listen to. My biggest fear is that I’ll put myself out there and then immediately get told I’m grossly under-qualified to make it in the industry. I’ve been told I have a really good voice, but there’s always something in my head telling me people are just being nice.
The thing is, it hurts me to not be on stage. I led worship for my youth group from the age of 11 to senior year, and that was quite literally EVERYTHING to me. I feel alive onstage. I feel like I can just let go and let the audience energize me.
I want to find open mics to sing at and play real gigs but I’m so scared to take the first step. How would I even do this? Is it even worth it? Am I just being delusional in thinking I could be someone someday? I’m going to art college in Atlanta in the fall, and I know there is a really good music scene there. I just need some advice.