I (M28) am ashamed of myself. (Writing for the first time so pardon my grammar)
i just found out that all my problems are coming from 'I am ashamed of myself. I am trying to blame my childhood, my upbringing, my situations, my appearance and for a time, i was blaming them and i set out to solve all of them.
Without realizing that currently I just need to solve one problem: Not to be ashamed of myself. That shouldnt be that hard, right?
I am only son in a middle class family. I have been raised well, but at a cost of my own identity. I was always the brighter one in the relatives. But i was an introvert, a nerd, which tbh, did serve me in my Engineering journey, financially. But apart from that I have no any other achievement.
But I left my job an year ago because i was not happy with it. I am now on the cusp of blowing it all and I dont know what I am doing yet. But right now, I am getting bitter, i am trusting people less, socializing less, getting emotional over silly things, comparing myself to others, doubting myself, etc etc.
I always had self confidence issues, look issues,addiction cycles(food, liquor,) was bullied in college, but later in my life i solved at least some of them. But right now I think every thing I have built up brick by brick is falling apart. I am finding this life very difficult for myself. I am not able to manage my emotions at this stage.
I do hope though that things will get better. I heavily emphasise that please love your sons and daughters unconditionally so that they do grow up to be self confident. I have been with self confidence issues my whole life. Sometimes I am in, sometimes I am out. Its the worst card.