I've been no contact with my malignant narcissist brother since 2013, when my mom passed away. He was financially abusive, she always enabled him. Since I was successful, she often leaned on me to send him money. I did it for her. When I let him know I would not continue enabling him, he went ballistic. He dramatically disowned me (what a relief). I wish that was the end.
I often hear from relatives that he's asked about me, wherr I'm living, etc. He called even distant relatives telling them horrible lies about me, how I abused my mother. I started telling them either to tell him to call me if he wants to know, or that he was mentally ill. Most relatives think he's off, so albeit embarrassing, I've lived with it.
About two years ago, I decided to move to Mexico. I put my house on the market, so even though I live across the country, he knew my business. The relatives started calling again. He's asking about me. He knew I was moving to Mexico, was trying to find out where. This was upsetting, because it made me super paranoid, wondering, who's telling him, where is this coming from? Who's talking? Why does he care? What does he want? He knows what state I'm in. I finally took a page from Dr. Wayne Dyer, what other people think about you is none of your business. I asked relatives to please not share anything concerning my brother.
The struggle I'm now having is that i'd like to have a relationship with my niece- from a different brother who is also estranged. Hwvr, i feel like if I talk to her and tell her where I am it will get back to him. From a practical sense, what's he going to do? Knowing him, I worry. He scares me. He always has.
Thanks for listening.
*I'm CPTSD, CEN and an empath. We grew up in a toxic family dynamic. Through therapy, going no contact with both brothers, following the passing of my mom has been most healing for me. I finally feel at peace - I just wish my brother would leave me alone.