I (33f) feel incredibly far behind in life and have no idea how to right the ship at this point. I had incredibly bad untreated depression as a young adult, and I ended up dropping out of college my sophomore year when the already existing terrible depression came up against a huge medical crisis for my father. I moved back home to help out and figured I would go back to school when I could properly focus on it.
Because I left midsemester, my scholarship didn't cover that semester at all. I was on basically a full ride, so the loss of the scholarship meant a 30k bill that I am still struggling to pay off all this time later. My father ended up passing away not long after and I had to scramble to find a job to help make ends meet. I ended up tutoring high school kids in math and science and for the SAT, and later students for the GRE, because it felt like all I was qualified to do as someone with a fair amount of book smarts but no practical skills. I don't make enough to save anything much and cannot get a better job without a degree because all of my work experience is education/math/science related.....and no one is hiring anyone to do anything in those fields without a degree. I can't get a degree because my transcripts from my first year of school are trapped behind this debt. It feels like this never ending cycle where I can't get a good job because I lack a degree and I can't get a degree because I lack a good job.
I know I'm not unique or special for feeling I wasted my potential. But I definitely wasted my potential. I did not picture my life this way and feel like I ruined everything that ever will or could have happened in the next 50 years I have to keep living when I was 19 years old. I don't know how to fix it. I know at this point I will never get to complete my education. I cannot honestly say I have made peace with that, but I accept that it is a fact of my life. I just need to find a path forward where it doesn't feel like I'm floundering all of the time. Is there any possible career I would be able to move towards? I can study independently but cannot afford to take time off work for any sustained period of time which I know is a stumbling block as well. I feel like I just don't even know where to start looking for a path forward.