hi dad,
i messed up. i couldn't find an internship because of medical issues, and that means i likely can't graduate unless i find one for 4 weeks in the next 3 months of school. which is unrealistic.. i am incredibly scared, i haven't told my mother at all and i don't know what to do. i feel like it's all over, because everything i have planned is dependent on this graduation paper, unless i repeat a year, and i'm 18, so it's just embarrassing. i dunno what to do here, truly.
i have really bad issues with suicidality cause of several issues, but especially one of my mental illnesses and the fact i'm a trans guy with an unsupportive mother, n' i'm still dependent on her. everything feels like it's falling apart. what do i even do here..
to add onto it, i tried to kill myself on friday,,but i failed. i didn't take enough of the medication, it seems, and now my body's just miserable. i don't want to go to the hospital or even a doctor, i think it's senseless since all i'm experiencing is physical pain and no other crazy side effect. it's humiliating to live like this..