I (29f) and my boyfriend (31m) have been together for 4 years. He always works from 2 pm-12 am Mon-Fri + 1 weekend a month, and I work 4 days a week (Mon-Fri) from 8 am-4 pm, and Sat-Sun from 9 am- 1 pm. That being said, everyday life is completely different- I wake up at 6 am and go to bed around 11 pm. For the first 3 years, I used to stay up so we could hang out after his work.
Our whole relationship, he’s been working hard and focused on his job. I admire that about him. But, that ‘’I’ll have time later’’ promise, never came trthrough(I mentioned this, he said I am only able to see short term, and he is looking at long term, so I shouldn’t bother him with trivial things like this) Plus, he started staying late at work recently up until 1-2 am, and started going to work almost every weekend bc something needs to be done for some urgent reason. On top of that, even though we made a deal to spend Saturday and/or Sunday afternoons together, it is usually in bed. Don’t get me wrong, that is great too, but I really want more.
I hit rock bottom with my mental health last year. For the most part, I didn't work and was not productive. I stopped working in 2025 bc I thought at the time it would be a good decision - I would get some rest and finish my last year of studies. But I did not get rest, and I did not finish my studies. (I had a money stash, but he did help me, unprompted, and said he wanted to. Other than that help, I did not receive any other support from him or any member of my family.
Fast forward to this day, I work one job over the week and another one over the weekend, and I am closer to finishing studies + I finally found a good therapist who helps with my issues. I am writing all of this info because my boyfriend started saying in arguments things like I can’t believe how low self-esteem you have, and the argument started when I asked for more quality time (like no phones and doing something other than watching Netflix). My therapist suggested something I really liked - that we could find a new hobby we could do together, but he dismissed that idea.
I feel so lonely in this relationship, even though when we don’t argue, it’s pretty good. But it used to be better. His pov is that we have a good relationship and that he is working, so we could afford to buy a place to live, and says that I’m ungrateful and unaware of how good we have it. He also started ignoring me or being mean every time I tried to talk about this issue. He just does not want to understand how I’m feeling and asked for peace at home bc he needs that, and says my needs are unreasonable.
I feel like I got us here, bc I have C-PTSD, and generally I don't feel safe, and up to this winter had troubles with my reactions to things that flare up my symptoms. For example, I used to demand of him not whistle while in the car with me, and we would go to the store about two times a month. That'sss it. It is his car, and he says it was too much to ask for. I know I should’ve asked nicely, and I should’ve worked harder on my ptsd pet peeves. I had previous therapists, and they helped too, but in 2026 was the first time I felt empowered enough to tackle the core issues, and I’m still doing that.