To be clear - my guy used to be a complete jackpot when we met. I was young and emotional intelligence regulation and skills didnt matter much. He brought safety, security, made homes for us and we made a great team.
Life was hard so at some point he broke very bad, following by borderline abusive behaviors towards me. It took me years to realize he was not a psychopath that lied to me at first but a guy who broke and lacked skills but also any willingness to help himself so the punch bag was me - partner and now mom of his kid.
Fast forward some years - he is steady and stable on the surface, incredibly efficient as home and logistical partner, his love is "acts of care", grown to be a great dad too.
But no accountability, or very little, his mode of coping all this time was retreat and distance. Ive tried to reach out and explain but this only caused more retreat (firmly refuses therapy).
At this point we are parents and incredibly good at it - the day and weekend routines are perfect.
As couple - we barely speak, he doesn't share what he works on, years ago he exited the idea to do things as a couple (date nights or things with my friends), and we havent had sex in 2.5 years. I have spoken to him few times about it but nothing.
I am SO FAR out, that even if he tries super hard on all fronts (he is not), I absolutely dont want it. But my brain is playing games with me, minimising all bad years, and reminding me all good he gave me before and how reliable he is now. My brain tells me even if we divorce I will stop seeing my kid 50% but will start dealing with horrible guys from apps or some that can't even load the dishwasher.
So my brain is constantly tricking me - is it that bad to not be a couple? I feel i am no longer happy at all, I do all I can as woman and mom. But this part of me that is unloved and untouched is huge.
Did any of you regret leaving a "good guy"? Or you regret staying with a good guy for far too long?