I don't know if I have BPD but my childhood traumatized me and I am having a major breaking point
So I am waiting for a doctor appointment soon...where to begin? I recently got dumped and I literally had an anger rampage where I even hurt myself, screamed and broke stuff in my house, it felt like the end of the world ( in my brain I felt it so deep, I got sick for a week) my relationship was so messy, I literally was the one begging for him to be with me and I don't know why? He was so nonchalant about me, about us cheating several times didn't care about me ...I was always drown to this kind of men unfortunately, when I am in a relationship, I die to please the other one, I even create a new persona to please him( actually nobody knows the real me I am so fake)
Right know I am in a weird phase, after my anger rampage a week ago, now I feel nothing, I am so numb,like I am outside of my body watching it, I am going crazy because just a week ago I was losing it...
I tried searching the internet I found people having the same things as got diagnosed with pbd, I don't if it's my case ?!
I keep thinking about the past, about my parents problems, my dad cheating, hiding in my room when my parents fought so hard and mom starts being mean and beating me because she was angry at dad.
Does anybody understand me? Is there anybody like me? I am truly going crazy