My husband is polite, handsome, loyal, righteous, non controlling. His family loves me and I love them.
The issues we’ve encountered during our short marriage (8 months) have been intense. We have tried therapy, Christian counseling, conversations, distribution of labor. All suggested and followed up by me, he goes with the flow and not opposed. I assume he just doesn’t think it’s that serious.
Issues include mostly, incompatibility. He is a country boy, could stay days inside just playing video games, no healthy habits (exercise or food), no social needs, not interested in traveling or exploring new things. I’m the opposite, city girl, hungry to travel, to workout, high social needs. I often feel like a flower that’s wilting, like a carcass of who I was. Now this is not what hurts me. It’s the fact that he is unwilling to move from the countryside ever, which represents at least a 40 minute drive to wherever I want to go. I’m miles away from any entertainment, shopping, friends or family. Country living is so depressing when you don’t like the countryside. It’s so stupid. When I go out with my friends or take trips with my mom, I have loads of fun and when I go back home to him I feel empty.
A video game obsession has also crippled. But I am unsure if it’s the video games that bother me or the fact that he doesn’t pay attention to me. The fact that he’s okay with me just coexisting next to me. He plays about 25 hours a week (that we agreed on, it was like 40 hrs a week before) and has already started to lie to me about this agreement so he plays more than that. When it’s not the video games it’s YouTube videos about the video game. We also had an episode where he either was about to commit suicide or made it seem like such to control me after I wanted to leave the house after a bad argument.
“Can we go on dates? Can you please plan something for us? Can you please remember to do the chores that take you 5 minutes to do while I do loads of laundry and clean the bathrooms? Can you remember to read your Bible? Can you please text the pastor so we can do counseling? (5th time). Can you please not take your whole gaming equipment to our family vacation? Why do you like tired and annoyed during my birthday dinner that I had to plan? It’s not my fault you want to live 1 hour away from restaurants. Can you cut your hair? Can you please cut your toe nails? Can you stop playing video games for hours straight? Can you stop screaming when you play video games while I try to study? Can you pay attention to me? Can you ask me about my day? I know you’re tired too, but goddamn HELP ME!!!!”
I am actually terrified of having babies now. I can already envision myself screaming at him because he needs to finish a match before he comes help me with the baby since everything has to be prompted for him to reach. I’ve always wanted to be a mom but I cannot do this under these conditions. I know he wants babies, so I’d be also stopping him from his life goals.
I have came to the conclusion that I cannot live like this for the rest of my life. Am I being too demanding? We all have to compromise something in our marriage right? I want to fight for my marriage. But if I’ve exhausted all my cards, without him presenting any, then what’s the next step?