My karma
First time writing here and I think I just need to let out some regrets and “what ifs.”
I met this person at church when we were both 19. We were vacation church school teachers that summer. We talked, texted, had that usual puppy love kind of connection. We went to the beach once and just stared at the stars together.
At the time, I knew I would eventually go back to my alma mater, a prestigious university in the Visayas. He studied in a small college in our hometown. Back then, I was naive, ambitious, full of hopes and dreams. I was also very boy-crazy and had this idea that my future husband should come from a prestigious school and someday spoil me and give me a comfortable life.
He told me he liked me. I gave him a chance, and I did fall for him a little. But deep inside, I kept thinking we were too young. I also knew I couldn’t handle a long-distance relationship no matter how much he promised he would hold on.
After he invited me to the movies one time, I slowly stopped replying to his messages. He kept texting, begging me to talk to him, but I ignored him and eventually ghosted him completely. I went back to university and continued my life. He would still occasionally ask how I was, but I never replied. We stayed Facebook friends though.
Years later, he got married. He now has a wife and kids. He became successful, works at a government agency, and even passed the civil service exam — something I failed five times. He also married an intelligent woman. From what I saw on Facebook, they looked genuinely happy. They were always traveling together as a family.
I’m married too, but honestly, I’m unhappy. My husband currently has no job and doesn’t seem motivated to exert extra effort to earn more, while I’m doing everything I can to provide for us and our son.
Last year, our families unexpectedly saw each other at a restaurant far from the city. We exchanged polite smiles. I caught myself staring at him a few times, but he never looked back at me.
And I still can’t fully admit to myself that part of me wonders: what if we ended up together? Would I have been taken care of in the way I always wanted? Would life have been different?
This week, I badly needed a document from the office where he works. I couldn’t search him on Facebook anymore, so I asked my uncle for help since they know each other. My uncle contacted him for me.
A part of me thought he might personally entertain my concern, but instead he simply gave instructions to my uncle on where to go and what to do.
I admit that stung a little.
And now I can’t stop thinking maybe this is karma. Maybe this is the consequence of being arrogant and dismissive when we were younger. I judged his potential too quickly while believing too much in titles, schools, and ambition.
Meanwhile, he quietly built a good life for himself, while I’m left wondering about all the “what ifs.”