My [28F] partner [45M] and I have been together for almost 3 years and living together for 2. We’re currently house hunting and planning a cross-country move to take advantage of a lower cost of living. The goal is to save money and eventually move back home by the time our future child is around 5 and ready for school.
We’ve had a general timeline for starting a family for the past couple of years, and we’re planning to start trying at the end of this year. So right now, the plan is: buy a house, move, I start my new job (he’s currently on temporary disability), and then begin trying for a baby.
Since things are starting to feel real, I’ve been thinking more about what that next chapter might look like. I’ve always imagined doing a pregnancy announcement—possibly hiring a videographer or content creator to film a short video with a specific song and some simple shots (sonogram, etc.). It’s something I’ve pictured for years.
I brought it up to him while we were in a hotel during house hunting, and before I could even fully explain, he got irritated and said it would be “fake” and that he’s “not an actor.” He doesn’t see the point in paying someone for something like that and thinks it’s just for vanity.
The conversation moved on, but then I found out it goes way deeper—he doesn’t want to take professional photos at all. Not for pregnancy, not for newborn family photos, not for milestones, not even later in life (with the exception of our wedding, tbd). He said that’s “not what normal people do” and “not who we are.”
I told him my family has done professional photos even as adults (my dad, my siblings, and I have some from 2019 and 2021), and my extended family does too. He responded with things like “that’s because they’re women” and implied most men wouldn’t want to do that.
That’s when it really hit me—does this mean I’ll never get to have professional photos with my future family?
I know this might sound small, but it honestly makes me really sad. I don’t feel like it’s unreasonable to want a mix of both candid photos and the occasional professional ones for big moments.
Afterward, he said I shouldn’t have brought it up because he’s stressed about the move, especially since I started with “don’t get mad.” I told him I thought something important to me would matter to him too, and he responded with “so I’m just supposed to say yes to everything you want?”
How would you approach this situation, especially when it feels important to you but not to your partner?