I think I am really stupid.
I genuinely think I am stupid and it is ruining my life. As a child, I was very gifted - I wouldn't study and end up doing much better than most of my peers.
I was highly gifted
Because of this, my parents never put any pressure on me to study or ever maintain any habit. I have never maintained a single habit in my life - I am unable to even brush my teeth daily or have my supplements regularly.
My parents left me to be independent at a young age - so when I got to high school (now) I feel utterly stupid. I can't even start any tasks, no matter how hard I try, I can't study.
I really want to; I do.
But I really can't, like right now I should be doing english work but I can't get myself to.
I just kept proscrasinating and slowly my grades went from being brilliant to worse than below average...
I think I stopped learning after grade 6 - I stopped reading and that was my downhill. My grades just tumbled after that.
My parents are really upset with how things have been going with my grades but this isn't the sole reason I find myself utterly stupid.
I think I am stupid not just because of my grades - but because I can't do simple things like watch movies without subtitles ( now I can't even watch long form content; but that's from before ), I can never understand what one is saying when they are talking to me (everything turns disfigured,) I can't even formulate my own words properly and end up mumbling at the end of sentences, not even my best friend can understand me anymore.
Secondly, I do idiotic things - I never respect my ex friends boundaries or no contact. Something ignites within me and it just tells me to message them. This a clear lack of self control and impulsivity which can also be tied to unintelligence.
Additionally, my reaction time is slower, I cannot articulate myself clearly - I end up using words such as 'like' in my sentences,I skip over long passages and don't read them, I can't understand verbal instructions, I am often very clumsy and not present in the moment, I end up forgetting things I was thinking about (like right now, I had a really good example but I forgot it.)
Worst of all... I have 0 consistency in everything I do, I tried so many sports, hobbies and never ended up completing any - ending up with nothing I was truely good at.
I have more evidence that proves I'm stupid - recently I took a appitude test and got low on almost everything. Not even average...just low?
It broke my heart because the girl I know before would've never got something like that.
I yearn to be my old self - my parents see to hate me for how I act right now. I don't want to be stupid.
I know this is really miniscule..
but I used to be a ravenclaw
I used to have brilliant ideas and smart
now I can't even classify myself in that
I don't even recognise myself anymore.
Another reason why I think I am stupid because of how utterly fond I am of stupid and pseudo labels such as mbti. Instead of doing productive and useful thing, I often find myself to be so intensively submerged into these labels that I get dophamine from them.
The most stupidest part is that even when I don't fit into one - I attempt to make myself fit into one. I know they are fake...so why do I do this idiotic thing?
I know one may argue that a conventional stupid person wouldn't be hyperaware or dwell on the possibility of being dumb.
But is that really true - if I am far behind everyone else?