u/AdIllustrious220

TW: loss

We lost our daughter 4 months ago. I was 4 cm dilated with bulging membranes at our anatomy scan and deemed to not be safe to attempt a cerclage. I've been through all the what-ifs, like maybe we should have demanded they try anyways. Idk. We just trusted our doctors, and she was so stable while I was hospitalized for 4 weeks until she wasn't anymore, and I delivered by emergency c-section. It was a classical because of her size. I'm still in the pit of grief and devastation. I miss her more than I could ever express in words. I want nothing more than to be a mother to a living child, but I am completely terrified of the future.

Has anyone been through something similar? How has life been since then? How are you doing now? Have you gone on to have a living child?

Hi everyone. I am 4 months out from losing our daughter after an emergency c-section at 24+3. I feel like I'm regressing a lot in my mental and emotional healing. For those of you that are any further on the timeline from your loss, have you experienced this? Not necessarily at 4 months exactly, but at any point did you have a big regression? I've lost my appetite again and am extremely tired. I can tell that my husband is worried about me, and I don't even know what I can say to reassure him. I have an appointment with my OB coming up in a week, and I plan to discuss with her. She prescribed me a ton of meds when I initially left the hospital though (that I never took) without even really talking to me, so I don't have high hopes for that conversation. I'm also in therapy. I just feel very lonely and disappointed in myself, like I'm not honoring my baby girl. I'm terrified of ever trying again because of my classical c-section scar. I just want my baby back.

I want to THROW something at the mothers that are walking their babies or holding their babies in public that are completely glued to their phones. WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE for just 5 more minutes to stare at my beautiful daughter (who had already passed by the time I was even able to meet her). My God. Like are you joking??? If I ever have the chance to bring home a living child, I will never take my eyes off of them.