I’m turning 32 soon, and I’ve been dating a girl a few years younger than me for about a year now. It started as a situationship, and at first I didn’t take it seriously. But over time, she developed real feelings for me—and I did too.
Lately, though, I’ve been feeling like we don’t really have a future together. Even though I care about her, we’re very different, and I often don’t feel happy in the relationship. I’m frequently anxious. At the same time, there are good moments—times when I feel calm and I genuinely enjoy being with her. That’s what makes this so confusing.
The problem is, I’ve never been in a situation like this before. In past relationships, if I had to break up, there was always a clear reason, so it wasn’t this hard. Now it feels completely different. Everyone around me keeps saying “just rip the band-aid off,” or “at this age you should know what to do.” And logically, I know that dragging this out will only cause more damage than ending it. But even thinking about breaking up makes me physically sick—nauseous, frozen, almost unable to act.
I even went to therapy because of this. They told me I likely have significant anxiety that leads to paralysis, that I catastrophize things, and that my thoughts overwhelm me to the point where I shut down. I’ve actually started medication because of it.
But whenever I imagine her crying—this girl I care about—because I’m breaking up with her due to incompatibility, I feel overwhelming guilt. I start crying myself.
I feel stuck. Like I just don’t have the emotional strength to get through this.