u/AdCullen

Hello, I don’t know if I’m in the proper subreddit but I have to get something off my chest. We’ve been in a relationship with my bf for a year and a half. He’s very kind and patient, and I guess it’s also important to note that he’s been diagnosed autistic (level 1). We’ve been experiencing bdsm in our intimacy. It was something I’ve always wanted to try, he had almost no experience in it me neither. It happened several times when he was down and didn’t stop after I came and didn’t allow me to move even when I said no. I think at that time I wasn’t very assertive in my « no », and so all along he thought it was part of the game and kept going. After that, I was very confused and told him each time that I really liked it. It came to a point where I exploded one day and couldn’t take it anymore. I told him how much it hurt me and he couldn’t believe it, I could see there was no vice in him nothing malevolent, he explained to me that since the beginning he thought he had my consent and he thought the safe word was « I want to stop ». He thought that everything (including the part where I say no and struggle) was part of the play. There were other times before that where I said « I want to stop » and he stopped what he was doing so I think he interpreted this as the safe word, but we actually never talked about it. He apologised many times, recognised he had no idea that he was doing something wrong, he agreed to stop completely any form of intimacy. But here I am still struggling with this, I have a very hard time to decide on wether it’s objectively forgivable and how to get over it. I love him and he loves me unconditionally, he never complained about my mood swings after these events and still tells me that he wants to help me in my healing. What should I do?