30M and completely worn down by dating. Nobody gives you room to be human anymore.
I’m a 30M feeling completely worn down by dating. Is anyone else convinced love has become purely transactional?
I’m sitting in my car right now trying to pull myself together after another string of dates that went nowhere, and I just need to get this out.
I’m 30. I’ve been on more dates than I can count, some good, some bad, most just, inconclusive. And I’ve realized something that’s genuinely messing with my head. nobody gives you room to be human anymore.
Like, when did dating become an audition where you have to be perfect from the jump? I’m not asking to be forgiven for being a terrible person. I’m asking for the grace to have an awkward conversation. To disagree about something small. To be imperfect and still get a second date to show who I actually am. That’s not a crazy ask. That’s literally how every meaningful relationship starts.
But that’s not how this works now. If you don’t strike gold on date one, you’re done. Meanwhile I watch genuinely flawed, messy, imperfect people find serious relationships every day, and good for them, they deserve it. But so do I.
Almost every relationship I’ve had has ended with me being ghosted or breadcrumbed. Not broken up with. Not given feedback. Just slowly made to feel like I didn’t exist. And after enough of that, your confidence doesn’t take a hit, it gets dismantled.
Has anyone else felt this? And if you came out the other side, what actually helped?