To explain my situation, me [19M] can't date.
It's not a thing of not having the opportunity. Tbh I'm probably the definition of "some die of thirst while others drown"
I was always quite liked amongst people, I'm considered smart, attractive and funny which is all great and fun... But I'm not a partner person.
No one should really date me and I'm making that painfully obvious. I would not be a good partner, I hate myself and my life, if someone appreciates or likes anything about me I find that part of them stupid even if I like them and find them as a whole smart.
I do not enjoy stuff as much, most of the days I'm trying to get thru them not focusing on anything but my head is filled with so many negative emotions that allowing someone to be part of my life just feels like I'm torturing them. I do not wish to live long and I do not wish to hurt someone I could potentially love by just being myself.
I'm also not aro/ace. My hate towards any intimacy stems from the hate of my physical self and the trauma I went thru during my life. I hate my body, I would not feel comfortable with someone seeing me naked. I ruined "friendships" when I set boundaries of not wanting to date/kiss someone just because they did the stupid thing of falling in love with me, and when I'm falling for someone I have to get rid of that emotion.
I have contacts on girls I met randomly and had fun time with but never contacted them again out of fear of anything happening. Even tho I love treating people to remembering every little insignificant detail of their lives I don't want anything from it.
I don't want to fall in love, I don't want anyone to fall for me. Can I just be alone for the few more months of my life before my ever increasing intake of cigarettes ultimately ends me please?
I don't know how dark this is and if it's even appropriate here but I just... Everyone in my life is always like "you two would look cute together" or "they really like you you know that?" Acting like I'm an oblivious idiot. I know it, I know people wanna... me, I know people wanna date me. But I'm not capable of doing that.
It's too much responsibility for someone else's happiness and they can always do better. I'm not suited for this stuff, and I'm sorry for that but just leave me be.