the other day, i [24F] went on a date with this guy i matched with online. The conversation went really well for the first 40 minutes until it was time to pay the bill. I reached for the bill instinctively because it had been a while since i was out on a date and i am used to picking up the bill for friends and not once did this man offer to pay.
i had 0 issue paying the bill, i was the one who reached out for it of course, but i noticed he didnt offer even once.
i let it go ofcourse and thought nothing of it until the next date, where i decided to reach for the bill again, in hopes that he would at least offer to pay. nothing again.
now i dont know where you guys come from, but asking someone, IRRESPECTIVE of their gender, to pay the bill on both occasions when you go out and meet them is something i personally find incredibly disrespectful. I would have gladly taken up the bill but i would have definitely liked him to atleast offer.
the next date we went on, i did not reach for the bill at all. his hands were on his phone, he was awkwardly looking at me and the silence was unbearable. he asked if i was going to pay and i said no. he looked a bit shocked but then asked why not.
THE NERVE OF THIS MAN????????????
i said i paid the last two times, he can pick up the bill this one time. he got defensive and said that i had told him i wasn't a 50/50 type girl, i was a 'pay when convenient' type girl. Somehow that translated to 'pay everyfuckingtime' type girl. i said that i am not going to spend 80 dollars on a meal every single time for a man who doesn't even OFFER to pick up the bill.
he told me that he was struggling with bills and i was genuinely taken aback because this is something that you think about before asking a girl out on a date. I work in a bank, i make a certain amount of money to fund a particular lifestyle of mine, which i had made VERY CLEAR in our chats. i don't mind spending money on my partner, but i expect honesty in return. i told him that this was not going to work out.
This is where i might be an asshole. He told me that he was embarassed to tell me and after i suggested a place that was out of his budget, that offering a cheaper place would look bad on him. i told him that it was better to be embarrassed on a chat with a random woman than to make a fool out of yourself in front of her in person.
he appeared to be really hurt by this but eventually crashed out and began calling me a money hungry pos, shallow and whatnot. i told him that he cannot talk to me this way. he said that my lifestyle is not compatible with most men my age and i told him that if that's the case, i'll find someone else who suits me, preferably someone older than me.
this is where he properly lost his mind and began using a bunch of hateful sexist words. he basically said that all i wanted was a sugar daddy, and someone who could throw money at me because that was all i cared about. he then began talking about how all women want in a man is money and not the man himself.
i was getting really angry now because how is this man sexist and ALSO poor?? i told him that there is a reason why some women prefer older men and its not because of the money, it's because they still know how to respectfully treat a woman in a way that does not translate into buying her affection with gifts.
he was visibly shaken and grabbed the bill from the table and basically told me that he was going to pay the bill anyway because i insulted his honor or whatever. i was livid by then and threw whatever food was on my plate at him [i think it was arabiata pasta?] and left.
the next day i woke up to a bunch of angry hateful missed calls where he basically said that i would never find love and how i ruined a chance to spend time with someone just because of money. he said he wasn't a bad person until i brought up his monetary status and used it against him as a way to justify my spending and that i ruined a pair of good clothes of his.
i can't help but think that maybe i should have just paid the bill and gone MIA. i did pull the plugs on a perfectly good situation just because i didn't pay a check.