My experience of dating bi guys
Okay, so by the time I came out around age 16, I had only encountered bi guys. I flirted with about seven of them and dated two—one for four years and the other for seven months.
In my experience, the first guy I dated didn’t even consider that he had “lost his virginity” with me because I was a man, and he hadn’t had sex with a woman yet. He used to say I was just a phase and that he would eventually marry a woman and have children. Despite all of this, I continued the relationship because I was so young. I didn’t have internalized homophobia before, but after that relationship, I started hating myself in a way I couldn’t even explain. Later on, he came out as gay, though.
The second one was perhaps the worst example. He told me I should get bottom surgery and said a man with a vagina is even hotter, while also making me do all the chores and housework. Eventually, he cheated on me, left me for my girl childhood best friend of 8 years, and called me disgusting names with awful homophobia.
After that, I tried dating again and told myself I shouldn’t judge someone just because they’re bi. But the experiences were somehow even worse. One guy joked that he would marry a “virgin” girl from a village, and I completely lost it and cut him off. Later, I got good vibes from another guy, but he said he doesn’t date gay men and only uses them for sex because of societal pressure, since he doesn’t want to disappoint his family. Meanwhile, I feel like I don’t even have the option not to be a disappointment. Then he said I wasn’t a “dirty” person and that he didn’t want to be someone who would “take my innocence” or “use me” like others.
Now I feel extreme discomfort when talking to bi guys, thinking the same pattern will repeat. I really don’t want to be ignorant or anything—I just can’t help it.