I (F32) am trying to understand whether my bf (M37) is crossing the line with sleep disturbances, or whether this is a shared relationship experience that I need to get used to or be more resilient with.
Most nights he will stay up to around midnight watching TV and playing on his phone. Sometimes I fall asleep on the couch with him or sometimes I will take myself to bed. If I take myself to bed, when he eventually comes in he almost always
- turns on his bedside light and leaves it on until he is either ready to sleep or I ask him calmly to turn it off (often met with a grumble from him)
- watch videos on his phone with the volume down
- on many occasions he will also lean across me to pull the top sheet so it's neat and straight because he doesn't like if it crumbles up while I am sleeping it in. There have also been times he has moved the pillow with my head on it while I was sleeping.
- sometimes he will nudge me over on the bed even if I am already almost falling off
Often all of the above is done with a frustrated tone and almost never with a verbal request first e.g., hey could you please move over.
Last night
When we got into bed at midnight he turned the light on and watched videos on his phone which I was cuddled up to his side watching with him. I started drifting to sleep and as I did my body did a big twitch. He loudly said 'oi' 3 times until I woke up. Then he said 'Why dd you do that' and I said I was falling asleep. He repeated 'why did you do that' I didn't reply and then he grumbled omg and now you aren't going to reply to me. Do you not understand how annoying that is. I calmly repeated 'I was falling asleep'. He kept going on about something but I honestly don't even remember because of the fact I was half asleep. He then continued to get mad at me for the next hour any time I took a breath that was slightly too loud or moved even in the slightest way.
Out of context if I read that I would ask OP 'does your bf hate you' but the thing is, he has done this on and off throughout our relationship and in between those times he has shown love and care toward me (though atm it feels tense even though nothing has happened).
I'm trying to understand what even happened. I am so tired and I am not intentionally trying to do the wrong thing in bed and keep him awake or ask too much of him but I can't sleep with the light on and he scared me last night when he woke me up loudly saying oi.
Am I the asshole for being to disruptive?