Is it me?
I can’t take it anymore. I see other step parent posts on here and I don’t have it bad bc my step kids don’t live with me and they are adults now but I’m still struggling.
My partners exwife is a bad mother (drunk driving, having her 14yo dd drive her & younger kids bc she gets drunk at a party, LOTS OF SCREAMING, hurting the kids to punish their father, fired from every job, teaching her kids to be jealous a-holes, too much to list here). If she was normal in any way I would be supportive of her bc I’m a single parent but his exdw is so needy & feels that any task or anything for their kids needs to be done by their father. She also calls my husband crying about how much she loves him. The real issue is my husband not having any boundaries & is afraid of her screaming & hurting the kids. Too much to mention here.
She was cheating on him during their marriage, SCREAMS, talks bad about him (and me & everyone else) to their kids…. But she wants to be part of dh’s family. She goes to family events etc - some are for their kids and I understand that but now I’m to the point that I think she should be excluded when we celebrate the kids birthdays. They are all ADULTS.
At these gatherings ITS ALL ABOUT HER. All you can hear is her voice, she is the LIFE OF THE PARTY!!🎉 I’m sick of it. Even when she isn’t there if there is a family gathering somehow people talk about her (in nice ways). I know this makes me sound petty but this woman has caused so much f’ing chaos and harm - why does she get a pass? She is so fake and performative.
Why do I let this all bother me so much? Dh & I married last year (together over 11 years) and I’m almost sure she SCREAMED at him the day we were leaving for our honeymoon saying he is a terrible father. I don’t know this for sure but he was very shaken up and his son called to ask if he was ok. This is what she usually does. (I’ve decided to ask DH to show me what she texted to him the day we went on our honeymoon bc I want to see it).
We are now in couples therapy & I’ve been able to say freely how I feel. Dh has screamed at me when his exdw calls him crying bc he can’t handle knowing that he should be placing boundaries on her. There is a lot going on here.
Am I making a big deal about nothing? Day to day everything is fine but there is ALWAYS this looming sense of when will she call again, when we I have to deal with her at a fun family gathering and more importantly it bothers me that my dh resents me that he can’t be more “friendly, jokey and chatty” with her. He wants me to be supportive of her and he wants to have no boundaries with her. This interferes with our relationship and the therapist says this. I can’t take it anymore. I deserve a husband who is devoted to ME. Dh thinks he does all of this for his kids but it’s not for them - it’s for her. They are adults. He is still going over there to fix things in her (rental) house - meanwhile there is tons of stuff that needs to get fixed at my house. He doesn’t see any issue with this. SHE PUSHES AND PUSHES AND PUSHES - and he doesn’t even see this as an issue.
I have a history of breast cancer and having heart issues. Al of this stress is effecting my health - I can’t take it anymore