Hi guys, this is literally my first reddit post so I don't even know where I'm going with this or what to expect, but I just wanted to vent a bit and ask for advice.
I've been struggling with BED since I was a teenager, although there were some years where my symptoms were completely gone or "silent", around my early twenties (still not sure how that happened actually lol).
About 2 years ago however I relapsed worse than ever. I always managed to maintain a healthy weight, somewhere between 56-58kgs (I'm 160cm), but now I've let this get waayyy too bad and I'm currently at 63kgs and I'm worried that it will just get worse.
(My goal weight is around 50-52kgs.)
Last year I tried to eat 1300-1500 kcals a day, and I did weight training 2-3 times a week, cardio 1-2 times a week (20-30 mins stairmaster on level 5-6), and 1 hour of walking every day (so that I'd have approximately 10k steps). I was still binging on the weekends.
Back then I somehow managed to lose weight (although it took so much longer than I wanted, like 7 months), I got down to 54 (that's the lowest I've ever been).
However, last year after going on a trip, going through some pretty bad / traumatic stuff (although it hasn't been easy anyway for the past couple of years, that's what probably triggered my relapse) and I was sick as well, I gained back SO MUCH. I didn't even want to measure myself, but I think I was at around 65kgs?
Since then I lost weight again and I was at 58kgs, but it was really hard, and again, it took me 4 months. The past 2-3 weeks, I haven't been able to stop binging and I'm back at 61 kgs again. I feel like I ruined my progress and hard work that I've been doing for months, in just 2 weeks. I just wanted to get back in shape for the summer and finally achieve my goal that I've been dreaming about since I was a teenager.
All I think about is food and binging. I literally tried everything under the sun.
I wasn't restricting much, I tried to maintain a -500 kcal deficit, I wasn't going super hard on my workouts either. It annoys me so much that I could've accomplished so much by now but I just can't do it. It feels like I have no willpower and I'm really devastated. I know it's due to emotional eating rather than doing an aggressive cut. So I went to therapy a year ago.
I was diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder. I started taking Brintellix (vortioxetine) and Lamolep (lamotrigine). I was really hoping that it would help me with my emotional eating but I just cannot resist the urges ever since. It's like a demon takes over me and I can't control my body or my thoughts. I'm pretty sure most of you know what I'm talking about. It's a rollercoaster for me, sometimes I manage to do it in a healthy way, and then I get these episodes of binging continuously for days.
I tried intuitive eating, distracting myself, journaling, going for a walk, meditating, nothing ever helps.
I cannot talk about it to anyone except my therapist because I'm really ashamed.
I'm just sooo so tired of it all and I feel like I will never get out of this and I'll never have a healthy relationship with food in my entire life.
I was even thinking of going on GLP-1 or peptides cause I'm so miserable. It's not just about losing weight and getting toned, but I'm worried about my health as well. I mean it can't be healthy long term to binge on so much sugary stuff...
Is there anyone who has similar experiences or any tips that helped them get over this horrible disorder?
Also, if anyone tried GLP-1, did it help with BED or food noises or their mental health?
I'm really open to any advice or suggestions.
TL;DR
I’ve struggled with BED and emotional eating since my teens, relapsed badly the past 2 years after trauma/stress, and despite therapy, medication, exercise, and trying different approaches, I keep cycling between progress and binge episodes. I’m exhausted, ashamed, scared for my health, and wondering if anyone has recovered from this or if GLP-1 meds helped with binge urges/food noise.
Thank you, thank you, thank youuu!!