Everything is almost perfect but I feel lost
Hi everyone,
I recently turned 30 and am in the middle of a PhD at a top 5 graduate program on the East Coast. This is a dream I have been working towards for just about 10 years. It’s everything I ever wanted — I am studying neurodegenerative disease and helping to develop therapeutic treatments for diseases that don’t currently have one. There is of course an immense pressure (and I have some level of conflict with my female boss and a male colleague), but I am really living my dream.
But why am I not happy? Why does it feel like I’m slogging through every week and riddled with almost constant anxiety?
I also have been in a relationship with someone who means the world to me for 2.5 years. I actually got out of a “safe” but unfulfilling relationship to be with him. I feel like I put so much of my emotional stress, etc on him, which isn’t fair. I also feel like I’ve turned too strongly to drinking to avoid dealing with my stress and anxieties. I don’t think my boyfriend is going anywhere but I am deeply worried that my burden will scare him off?
I just feel scared and lost, despite my life being in the best place it’s ever been. Does anyone have advice on what helped them to “snap out” of situations like this? Or any other advice really?
Thank you so much for reading and I appreciate your consideration and support!