Mother's Day fallout
Another year goes by (this is year 7 of being a mother) where my husband has gaslit me into thinking some grand romantic gesture will happen and then actually just avoided me on the day and then an explosive argument ensues when I call attention to this. This year he strategically pretended to be working on something--like "hid" it from me while he was working on it in common living areas 😂--turns out it was a small doodle of a flower bouquet and a completely unreadable letter on the back (he claims he's trying out cursive handwriting, but it literally looks like a bunch of aggressively slanted spikes). He's now telling me that I don't understand how much he suffers daily, crying on the phone to me in the middle of the work day, saying that he is suicidal for feeling like a failure/bad partner. When I try to share how sad and depressed I feel that he can't acknowledge me on special days (no birthday gift, no valentines day acknowledgement, no acknowledgement of even deaths in my family, etc etc) he goes ballistic saying that I treat him like garbage every day and when will he get accountability from me about my horrid behavior towards him (i.e. asking him to clean the bed after he had a stomach bug two weeks so I can return to sleeping in our bed). I have so much emotional whiplash and I'm absolutely exhausted. Feeling like an idiot for thinking this year would be different--made so many excuses for special dates already so far--because he's in therapy. I need to strategically plan to be away from him and celebrate myself and our children on these types of holidays from now on.
I literally cried myself to sleep last night listening to All is Full of Love by Bjork. Sending care to all.