u/ActualCantaloupe6071

hi! so for context I, (17f), have a slighttttllyyy huge crush on my coworker (18m) ;-; and its driving me insane... I feel like such a disgusting creep for liking him while also being extremely delusional and all in my head 🥹

the reason i feel this way is because growing up, I was very chubby (i have a family who taught me to never waste food and always eat it all as a child), terrible acne (dads genetics :/) and very tall for my age. as a result, i was bullied terribly by other kids my age, ESPECIALLY boys.

I was asked out as joke, teased, made fun of to my face and behind my back, called slurs, got hit, etc. so I have so much trauma with boys/ teenage boys my age because of this 😭

At around age 14/15, I lost all the baby fat, started wearing makeup and taking care of my face (i still have acne sadly ;-;). however,, even though i changed physically, mentally, I was still the same depressed child who was treated so terribly. I never really changed how I precieved myself although I look different, and I NEVER changed the way I thought about boys my age.

I still am very scared of boys and think im being made fun of whenever they talk to me/show interest in me so i keep my gaurd up. (whenever ive let my gaurd down, i was always let down and thrown in a spiral again). so i promised myself to never have a crush on anyone because I hate myself so much. I think im very ugly and not charasmatic at all. I am also very shy so people think im weird.

Recently however, I started falling for my coworker who is in the same grade as me but goes to another school :/ Hes so nice to me unlike other boys my age, whenever he talks to me but sometimes he will act like i dont exist and be so dry 🥹 and whenever i initiate conversation or say something to him hes very dry/ nonchalant in a way. But somedays he will say hi to me or ask how im doing but its kinda rare 🥹🥹Idk I just feel like a delusional creep for liking him, he def thinks im a weirdo.. So I know im being stupid for even having a crush or thinking I have a chance.

anways, I will just push through and hope I move on from this crush.. I know its not worth it and I will be disapointed in the end. If you made it this far, thank you for reading and have a great day/night! I love you all ❤️