I (20F) have been married to my husband (26M) for around 9 months now and I feel completely drained and confused.
Recently I found out he’s been watching porn multiple times during our marriage. When I first confronted him, he denied it, swore he didn’t do it, and only admitted it after I showed proof. This has now happened more than once he lies first, then tells the truth when he has no choice.
On top of that, I found out he had contact with a woman he “used to speak to” in the past. W single mom.He claims they only met once, but he lent her a large amount of money, which doesn’t sit right with me. When she “messaged him,” he didn’t tell me I had to find out myself. He says he was trying to “avoid problems” by not telling me.
I also recently discovered that he uses a hard drug, which was a complete shock to me.
Every time I confront him, he apologises, says he’ll change, and promises it won’t happen again but then something else comes up. His pattern is always: deny → lie → then admit when caught.
At this point, I feel emotionally disconnected. I’m tired of questioning everything and feeling like I have to investigate to get the truth. I don’t trust him anymore, and I don’t feel secure in this marriage.
He says he wants to fix things and that he needs help, but I feel like I’m the one carrying all of this while he keeps making the same mistakes.
I’m not sure what to do anymore.
Has anyone been in a situation like this?
Is this something that can realistically be worked through, or am I ignoring red flags?