ex cheated on me right after getting back together
24M. Just need somewhere to vent about my recent situation with my ex.
So me and my high school sweetheart were on and off for a really long time. When we originally dated in high school and early half of college, we had some really good and bad times. We are both from the same small town and hung out everyday and made a lot of good memories, and had a lot of heated arguments that she would usually start. She was always very self-centered and manipulative towards me and would demand that I cater to her every need. She also had a very bad family situation (her dad was a violent drug addict, her mom has kids with several different men, i had to protect her when her dad was high and broke in trying to steal her car before, her mom’s bf at the time exposed himself to her, etc) and it always made me feel like I was being sucked into these messy situations with her that I was never shown any appreciation for. I felt bad for her having to go through these messed up situations, but she made it hard on me with her constant arguing and controlling behavior even though I never treated her that way. I put up with it to try to keep the relationship going until I finally had enough of the way she was treating me and the situations I was having to deal with so I ended up ending things with her.
We quit talking for a while after that because she started dating someone for the past 3 years or so, while I was building some dating experiences as well but nothing long term or very serious. So about 2 months ago, she texts and calls me out of the blue wanting to see me again. I knew deep down I shouldn’t see her, but I was lonely and there’s not many single girls in my small town that I have been interested in and figured maybe she had matured and things might be different, so I decided I’d give it a go. This was a huge mistake because we hit it off instantly and I started to catch feelings for her again.
She was still pretty much the same manipulative and controlling person she was before, but a lot of our values changed over the years. We didn’t share the same religious beliefs, she didn’t want kids, she liked to drink about everyday. Nevertheless, I enjoyed being around her so I tried to make it work.
We started back dating for a month and shortly into it she told me she loved me and had missed being with me all this time, which I made it known that I was feeling the same way. Something felt off though because she wanted to constantly just have sex and drink and anytime I’d want to take her on a date or have her meet my family again she’d rather have me just come to her house to drink and fuck. Not long after this, she started acting weird. She’d go through my phone and trying to see if I was texting any girls (which I wasn’t) and say that if we are dating we cant text anybody else. Then the last time I was with her, she was very rude towards me and would try to start arguments over nothing, but I didn’t bite. I stayed nice and tried to fix everything like I did when we originally dated, which was another mistake. I noticed that night she was texting a guy that I thought could be her ex, but wasn’t sure when they broke up or if it was so I didn’t question it.
Long story short, it was her ex and she had been getting back with him, while we just started dating again. The next week she was cold towards me and when I asked her about it she started blaming me for it. She said things like she wasn’t getting what she wanted emotionally and that I didn’t do things for her that she wanted me to do, pretty much she was just making shit up and trying to deflect all the blame on me to justify her actions. I tried to meet with her and talk but she suddenly became “too busy” or was having “a friend” come over and couldn’t see me. I figured out what was really going on so I ended up just blocking her and not confronting her about what she’d done instead of chasing after her and right after this she got back with her ex who she was cheating on me with (he is likely completely oblivious to all of this even happening).
It did leave a dent in my ego and it made me rethink some of her “friends” she had when we used to date back in high school and college, which made me feel even more foolish for not seeing the pattern sooner. I felt used and pissed off for going against my gut on it and I paid the price for it, but it also fixed my perspective as well. It wasn’t for my lack of character and integrity, she showed me who she truly was which is better in the end. It kind of made me feel hesitant going forward in new relationships now for the fear of something similar happening again, but I’m trying to work on that and look for someone whose values and belief better align with mine, but it’s still tough to bounce back from having my trust broken.
Just wanted to get this off my chest since I don’t really have anyone around me that I’m comfortable with sharing it all with.