How do I forgive myself for neglect
I'm currently a 2nd year uni student and I feel like I have neglected my studies. I'm studying a 3 year course, in my first year I had failed a module during my 2nd semester because I was crying throughout my exam season. 2nd Semester came and I thought I was going to improve, but again I found myself crying almost everyday (because of a traumatic romantic relationship - where I felt like I lost my innocence and the person I once was), skipping class because being outside felt uncomfortable (I had lost weight and I didn't want to be seen, I also had some struggles financially), I had s thoughts and at some point I wanted to stop studying and go home. It's the month before exams and our semester marks are coming out, all my marks are a reflection of not putting in the work. I also noticed that I've been living in survival mode for the past few years, I struggled to speak about anything with my family at home I always isolated myself (but after having a mental breakdown, I had to actually start speaking up. I also haven't had any interest or goals for the last few years, that's why coming to uni I just settled for anything, but now I just want to make myself proud. I've survived so many silent battles, but I also have somewhat of a social circle, I mostly do the planning on dates but my friends always appreciate it. I speak alot more, I used to think I was socially anxious. And I'm also not dating my ex anymore, all I ever did was worry about his safety, but he used to be so mean to me he called me stupid when I struggled to buy him a gift because I was anxious, told me how lucky I was to have him because he is a 10/10, and even after I went with him through his depression, when I told him I had failed the module last year he just said: sorry.)This past two weeks, I've felt motivated to improve, but after seeing my marks I already feel like the semester is over and that I failed myself. Yesterday I wrote a test in a module I thought was difficult, I actually studied for it over the weekend amd the week before and when I say down answering the questions I was surprised at how easy it actually was. I know myself, when it comes to academics I can be really good, whenever I put in the work I get As and A+'s. But my report card doesn't reflect that. I'm angry at myself. How do I forgive myself? I feel like I wanna try again, to be better again. But sometimes I think I wasted 50% of my modules and now it's too late.