I am a 19Y revert female and my husband is a 20Y born Muslim male. Almost 6 months ago we got married, and we rushed into things out of the fear of getting into haram. We talked for about a year online before we decided anything, we hit it off well and we both introduced the idea of marriage to our families. They said we were too young and gave other un-Islamic reasons why we shouldn’t marry. Later on we decided that we wanted to proceed and because I am a revert, my adopted father does not have to act as my wali, so we had an imam act as our wali. Both him and I live in different states also.
I have a strong feeling that I am not being treated well, and I am sort of trapped. I love this man very much, but after being with him for a while I learned his true nature.
After we got married, I wanted to move to him and live with him, so in return we had to tell his family (he doesn’t live with his family, but we just wanted them to know) his family was very disapproving of our marriage, and granted we were wrong for not involving them, but things were already done, and we were trying to fix the situation by involving them before we moved any further. His parents truly threw all his feelings under the bus and made him feel little, and wrong, they guilt him every day saying that he broke their heart, saying that if he stays with me he will break their family apart.
Now here is the reality, my husband is a weak minded person. He is truly a mommas boy, and there should be a limit to that. When his parents talk to him, tell him to leave me, he never stands his ground and tells them what he wants, instead he just listens to everything they say, lets them disrespect him and me, and then lies to them saying he will follow what they say. Soon enough I asked if I could listen in on these conversations to understand why his parents were so stubborn, and that’s when I realized that this is how he is. And when I pointed it out to him, he didn’t change, I pointed it out over and over again, and then while I’m on the phone he will say things that I suggested, so it just feels like he’s only saying it because I’m on the phone. He’s even afraid to tell his own friends about us because his friends have fallen under the same impression of our relationship as his parents have. On top of that, he has done some things to break my trust, and I have also been through a lot of things in my life. So my way of love is very different. I want love without asking for it. He asks me how to love me, but I truly don’t want to tell him, because then he is just doing something he was told, not something that came from his own heart. I just don’t feel loved in this relationship, and I want to know if I am being unreasonable? There are obviously a lot of things that I have left out, and in no way am I an amazing or perfect person. And I will say, ever since I realized how he is, I haven’t treated him the same either. I feel like I snap more easily, I give him a cold shoulder, I stop listening and stop feeling. I just feel numb at times, but I can’t do anything because I have this hope that the man I fell in love with will change. So again I will ask, am I being unreasonable?