Why is it so damn lonely
I'm frustrated with everyone. When I say this, I'm mainly talking about my partners family.
I knew since my partner died that it was going to be lonely, I'm the only one who shares our most private memories that he didn't share with everyone, of course I knew it'll be lonely. But I expected more support?
It's not that I don't think im not capable of going through this alone. It's more that it's exhausting, and hurts knowing I'm so isolated.
When he first died, his mum said that I'm part of the family and I was so relieved to hear that. I didn't want to lose contact.
But it's been nearly six months since he died, and I honestly can't say that I do feel part of the family. I do feel like they don't want much to do with me anymore.
For the record, I get it. His family is also grieving, I completely understand, I always give them space but I also feel like it's not fair that I have to go through this alone, go to my house and sleep in an empty bed everyday but they all have each other.
I guess it's common sense, after all THEY are their family. But it hurts because I'm not really close to my family like that so I really have no one to talk about my feelings that also knew him, who would invite me over and we can both talk about my partner, and I could sleep over so I feel less alone. I kinda just feel like I've been thrown away. I just wanted to feel less alone.
But I suppose maybe that's me being naive again. Or insensitive. I guess naturally with time we're not meant to be in each other's lives any more now that he's dead. I just wish it didn't hurt so much.
Anyways, I just wanted to rant. And see if anyone else felt the same way perhaps after their significant other passed.