u/Acrobatic_Leek3865

I (31F) caught my husband (36M) masturbating to a girl on TikTok this morning, and I honestly don’t know if I’m overreacting or if my feelings are valid here.

I’m currently 5 months pregnant and was also laid off two weeks ago, so I know my emotions are already heightened right now. But this situation really hurt me.

The main issue is that we’ve already had multiple conversations about this before. I explained that it makes me feel uncomfortable and insecure, especially during pregnancy when I already don’t feel attractive or confident in my body. For me, it’s not just “watching something” - it makes me feel like I’m not enough and like he wishes I looked like someone else. This is probably the fourth conversation we’ve had about it.

I also want to add that I understand a lot of people see porn as normal in relationships, and many women are okay with it. But I personally am not, and I was upfront about that from the very beginning of our relationship. This was never a hidden boundary or something I suddenly changed my mind about.

What makes this harder is that even before pregnancy, we were already having intimacy issues. At one point, I found recent porn communities on his Reddit when he was showing me something on his phone. I was upset because he was masturbating and consuming porn while also telling me he was “too tired” to have sex with me.

At the same time, he kept reassuring me that he wanted a baby. I honestly could have gone either way about having children, but I remember repeatedly having to remind him that there’s only one way to make a baby, and that requires intimacy with your spouse. That period already left me feeling rejected and confused.

So now, seeing him masturbating to a random girl on TikTok during my pregnancy just reopened all of those feelings. I think the fact that it was a real/random person instead of traditional porn made it feel more personal to me somehow.

After this happened, I asked him to delete TikTok, and he did, but now I feel like my trust is shaken. He keeps reassuring me that he’s attracted to me, but part of me struggles with the idea that if that were true, he wouldn’t feel the need to look at other women and fantasize about them while I’m awake in the next room.

We can’t really afford therapy right now since I’m likely going to be out of work for a while, so I guess I’m just wondering - how did you move past it or rebuild trust?

I also want to add that I don’t want to leave my husband. I love him, and outside of this issue, he’s been supportive in a lot of ways. I think part of why this hurts so much is because I don’t feel chosen or desired.

I also think I might not feel this devastated if we actually had a healthy intimate relationship, or if I was constantly turning him down and he felt neglected. But that isn’t what’s happening. What hurts is feeling rejected sexually while he still has sexual energy for other women online. That’s the part I can’t seem to get past.

I (31F) caught my husband (36M) masturbating to a girl on TikTok this morning.

I’m currently 5 months pregnant and was also laid off two weeks ago, so I know my emotions are already heightened right now. But this situation really hurt me.

The main issue is that we’ve already had multiple conversations about this before. I explained that it makes me feel uncomfortable and insecure, especially during pregnancy when I already don’t feel attractive or confident in my body. For me, it’s not just “watching something” - it makes me feel like I’m not enough and like he wishes I looked like someone else. This is probably the fourth conversation we’ve had about it.

I also want to add that I understand a lot of people see porn as normal in relationships, and many women are okay with it. But I personally am not, and I was upfront about that from the very beginning of our relationship. This was never a hidden boundary or something I suddenly changed my mind about.

What makes this harder is that even before pregnancy, we were already having intimacy issues. At one point, I found recent porn communities on his Reddit when he was showing me something on his phone. I was upset because he was masturbating and consuming porn while also telling me he was “too tired” to have sex with me.

At the same time, he kept reassuring me that he wanted a baby. I honestly could have gone either way about having children, but I remember repeatedly having to remind him that there’s only one way to make a baby, and that requires intimacy with your spouse. That period already left me feeling rejected and confused.

So now, seeing him masturbating to a random girl on TikTok during my pregnancy just reopened all of those feelings. I think the fact that it was a real/random person instead of traditional porn made it feel more personal to me somehow.

After this happened, I asked him to delete TikTok, and he did, but now I feel like my trust is shaken. He keeps reassuring me that he’s attracted to me, but part of me struggles with the idea that if that were true, he wouldn’t feel the need to look at other women and fantasize about them while I’m awake in the next room.

We can’t really afford therapy right now since I’m likely going to be out of work for a while, so I guess I’m just wondering - has anyone else dealt with this? How did you move past it or rebuild trust?

I also want to add that I don’t want to leave my husband. I love him, and outside of this issue, he’s been supportive in a lot of ways. I think part of why this hurts so much is because I don’t feel chosen or desired.

I also think I might not feel this devastated if we actually had a healthy intimate relationship, or if I was constantly turning him down and he felt neglected. But that isn’t what’s happening. What hurts is feeling rejected sexually while he still has sexual energy for other women online. That’s the part I can’t seem to get past.