Am I Overreacting for threatening to leave my girlfriend over a TikTok about racism?
A few days ago I saw a TikTok video that was a slideshow of three images:
I thought that some of these stories sounded oddly absurd because I had never heard any of them before and I felt like if they were true, they would have become national news. So I went through and factchecked each one, and I could not believe the sheer volume of misinformation.
I left a comment sharing what I found. This is the full version.
To summarize, the forced c-section and pastor cases were legitimate, but the raw milk, Hurricane Katrina, and 35 years for Marijuana stories either omitted very important details or lied outright.
I did assume that most people wouldn’t read it all the way through, but overall I was content with how I covered everything, and didn’t even consider that it would get a bad reaction.
The next day I could not believe that every single response was negative:
I really could not wrap my head around these kinds of responses. It seems like not a single one of them read even a fraction of my original comment. I swear to god, I still don’t understand how people like this exist.
I told my girlfriend about it and sent her the video link because I thought she would also find it ridiculous, and maybe funny too, but she kind of agreed with them.
She said my comment was condescending and very “debate bro”, and that it makes sense that people would have problems with it all. I got frustrated and pointed out that I had worked really carefully to acknowledge nuance and portray the stories as honestly as I could.
She said that the actual facts did matter but that tone and the bigger picture were more important for things like these, and that my comment “sided with the opposition”. She also said my framing made the OP and the people in the stories look really bad and that I, as a white man, shouldn’t be so condescending to black people because it isn’t my place to speak like I understand what racism feels like.
I got pissed and told her that was completely stupid, because all I did was post the full truth, and I don’t have to be black to do that. I said misinformation should be corrected no matter who it comes from, but she said that I’m a hypocrite for spending my time fact checking this post instead of posts from the other side of the political spectrum.
(For additional context, I’m a Philosophy major.)
I said she was being nonsensical and acting like I am racist, despite dating me for almost 2 years and knowing that I am very against racism. I insisted that she couldn’t be okay with lying to support her own beliefs and call out lies in the opposition at the same time, and she told me that I was being a self-superior asshole who wouldn’t get it.
I brought it up a few more times both over text and in person after that, because I was so frustrated that she still thought I was in the wrong but she refused to talk about it in any real depth. We finally got into an argument about it yesterday, and she told me “normal people don’t obsess over internet arguments like this”.
I said that this wasn’t just about the argument anymore, but about her prioritizing her feelings over honesty in a context this serious, and treating me like I’m a terrible person. The whole thing kind of devolved after that and we started yelling at each other.
She said I was being insufferable and arrogant, and accused me of thinking I know better about experiencing racism than actual black people. I called her a “fucking moron” for being incapable of criticizing things that confirm her beliefs. It went on for a while until I said that if she couldn’t start being even halfway reasonable, then clearly she couldn’t handle a relationship with someone who is (I know I’m an asshole for this, you don’t have to tell me).
She started crying but didn’t say anything else to me and I ended up staying at my brother’s home for the night. I haven’t gotten any texts or phone calls either from her or anyone close to her that she might’ve told.
I feel awful for what I said to her, but I’m still not sure if I can continue this relationship. I just don’t think I’m compatible with her kind of thinking. Am I overreacting?
(Note: this is NOT about politics. This is about misinformation regardless of political opinion.)