Been married for 5 years F36 to M35. Our marriage has been really solid. When we were engaged, he had asked an ex for nudes via dare by coworkers. I found out. No nudes were sent and he apologized for asking to the lady before I found out. I was still upset and we went to counseling. The main thing that came out of it is that my husband struggles with peer pressure and looking good to other coworkers. We worked on a lot of trust.
Five years later we seem pretty good. Then today I see a pop up on his phone from Snapchat. Long story short he asked a woman for nudes. I investigate and see she has an Only fans. In our marriage, we are okay with watching porn and taking care of ourselves but not going outside the marriage. I was shocked. And more hurt that he never said anything about looking at Only fans, or requesting personal messages. It brought me back to our issues five years ago. I was horrified and worried I secretly married a serial cheater. But there are literally no other signs.
So out of shock and maybe poor judgement, I requested a Loyalty Tester. Essentially, a woman reaches out to him over socials and let's me know if he engages/shows signs of cheating. I hate lying. And I feel awful.
I ended up confronting my husband about the message on Snapchat. He said he was curious after looking at her stuff on reddit. I asked what the end game was? Personal messages/images? I told him how that hurt me because he didn't tell me and he had just told me that morning how beautiful I was. It felt insincere and hurtful. I didn't tell him about the Loyalty Tester. He probably has his guard up anyway, but im not sure if I am the woman on TV who is oblivious to the fact that her husband is cheating. He swears it will never happen again. AiTA??