Does anyone ever really heal from a difficult mother relationship?
I’ve been feeling really off since Mother’s Day, and I’m trying to make sense of it.
I have two kids (3 and 5), and this was my first Mother’s Day since my separation. My kids were with me, but I didn’t go out for dinner or anything because the highway near my place was heavily under construction and it would have meant hours stuck in traffic. So I stayed home.
I hadn’t spoken to my own mother in about two months. I called her at 9:15 in the morning on Mother’s Day, but she didn’t answer. I then texted her “Happy Mother’s Day.” She replied almost immediately: “Thanks, sorry I missed your call.” I had literally just called. I was still on my phone. She could have called back. She didn’t say Happy Mother’s Day to me.
It hurt more than I expected.
Mother’s Day has always been complicated for me. I used to stand in front of the greeting card section and read every card, knowing none of them fit my relationship with my mother. I always felt like it would be dishonest to give her one of those cards when our relationship just doesn’t match that kind of warmth.
Since then I’ve been really emotional. Crying easily. Feeling like I’m carrying something heavy again.
I’m just tired of being affected by her. Completely exhausted by it.
I’ve been in therapy for 10 years. I guess I’m wondering if anyone here has actually managed to fully detach from a parent like this. Does it ever get better? Do you ever feel free from it?