I will do my best to keep this brief, our mom suffered from a stroke around 6 months ago, and prior to the stroke she was already showing signs of early onset dementia. Her stroke just tipped her off the edge.
I am a LMSW this post is not about her access to programs and resources I am fully aware of what is available in my state.
Been speaking with my wife, and to be honest I think it is time we move mom closer to me, none of my siblings will step up, or have any desire to navigate the system. My wife is afraid if we do move her everything is going to fall on us, in which she is 100% correct. My siblings will completely dust their hands of her care.
She wants me to try and hold their feet to the fire so to speak, but I have told her that I cannot force them to do anything. Eldercare is not about what people can do, more so what they are willing to do. My siblings barely do anything now, and I am still managing majority of her care four states away. I want to move her while she is still cognizant to a degree.
Doing everything from a different state is annoying to say the least, I understand my wife's concerns but in practice my mom needs an advocate. Thankfully bulk of everything is taken care of I am listed as the agent on my mother's durable power of attorney. While it is not active yet, she has not been deemed incapacitated yet.
I spoke with my mom and she is all for it, her words she made me her PoA cause she trusted me to do what is right.
We have some downsides, our state has horrible memory care options, I mean horrible. Especially if you are not paying privately. I do have some contacts with some decent private pay facilities that do have some Medicaid beds, and I can possibly pull some favors. She is not at that point yet.
Getting her services will not be hard, I know exactly how to frame her case to get her bar minimum 12 hours a day worth of care, four social and right home care, and can most likely swing 12 hours of care also on the weekends. Yes, some of the care will fall on us, and yes I mean us. I cannot always do it. I get that fear, but I do not see another option.
Despite all of this my wife wants me to still fight and keep my mom near my siblings for now so they kind of have to step up. If we move her the little support they provide will dry up overnight. I get what she is saying, but I do not think it is wise to wait and think I should pull the trigger now. AITA?