Called out internally to see if i have any alters and now im confused
For context, i have been diagnosed with dissociative disorder, bipolar and adhd. My doctor didnt specifically say osdd but said that i need parts integration therapy. Also i went in for bpd symptoms and she said that it is due to dissociation (she doesnt think personality disorders are a thing but its another debate). Osdd-1a fits best for my symptoms and what she said so i accept the diagnosis as this (also have severe dpdr with pseudopsychosis but its acute).
I always focused on my mood and psychotic symptoms and never thought about the “alters” of osdd, i just assumed that when my mood shifts it shifts so much that it is to the degree of identity fragmentation.
Yesterday i was listening to a psychiatrist who is specialized in dissociative disorders and the case study he was telling mentioned a patient who was denying the symptoms. The doctor told the patient to just say “hello” to any alters he might have. He tried it and was suprised that he had an answer back.
This is where it gets confusing for me. I wanted to try it but had conficting expectations. I assume that my diagnosis is accurate and if so i may very well hear something back. On the other hand, my symptoms were mostly mood and psychosis related so i didnt really think that i had this much of a fragmentation.
I tried it, waited for an answer for a few minutes, didnt hear anything back. Then i went on with my life. After a few hours i was listening to a podcast while playing sudoku on extreme difficulty (so my mind was pretty stimulated to wander). Then randomly i “thought” “hi”. I was taken aback. But it happened a couple times more with a few hours in between.
Now im questioning: was it really an alter or was it me just remembering the thing and the thought popping in my head. It felt different than me deliberately thinking “hello”. It popped in my head before i thought about the thing. I dont wanna gaslight myself into believing that i have more distinct alters but also i wanna explore the implications of this diagnosis more since my mental health significantly affects my life even though i have been taking my meds regularly, taking more care of my body and having a relatively stable life.
I also need to mention that through like a week i havent been taking my meds regularly, recently got off heavy antipsychotics and have been a little bit more stressed. I have been feeling a little bit more unstable for the last 4-5 days but nothing clinically significant, just a tad bit more than my usual self.
Anyways, sorry for the long post but if you stayed here so far; any tactics for me to understand if this thought was an alter or not? How was your experience of discovering alters? Thxx