My boyfriend’s (23M) parents are isolating him after finding out about our relationship (23F). How can I help without making things worse?
I’m trying to approach this situation rationally because I know emotions can make things seem more dramatic than they are, but I genuinely don’t know what the right thing to do is.
I (23F) started dating my boyfriend (23M) recently after a long history of unhealthy relationships. We’ve been together for a little under a month. Things moved quickly emotionally, but not in a reckless way, we just connected very naturally and spent a lot of time together early on.
He’s been consistently kind, respectful, supportive, and communicative throughout the relationship.
A few weeks into dating, he told his parents about me. Their reaction was extreme.
They took away his laptop, iPad, SIM card, and basically limited his ability to contact me at all. From what he’s told me, he has very little independence at home and his mother is especially controlling about the situation.
The thing is, he genuinely has tried everything possible to handle this properly. He tried talking calmly, reasoning with them, reassuring them, explaining how serious he is, and trying to keep the peace at home, but nothing is working. According to him, the situation in the house just keeps getting worse.
He’s barely sleeping or eating properly anymore because the constant insults and pressure at home are getting to him mentally. He’s even been skipping university because of how emotionally exhausted and overwhelmed he feels. At this point I’m honestly more worried about his wellbeing than the relationship itself.
Right now, the only communication we really have is maybe 10 minutes on Snapchat every now and then, usually when he sneaks away to the bathroom or gets a short moment alone, and then he disappears again. Sometimes I won’t hear from him for long periods because he genuinely doesn’t have access to anything.
I offered to respectfully meet his mother and talk to her directly because I thought maybe hearing from me would help, but she refused.
I feel helpless watching someone I care about deteriorate mentally while being stuck in an environment where he has almost no autonomy.
For people who have dealt with controlling parents/family dynamics:
- Is there anything I can realistically do here?
- How do I support him without making the situation worse for him at home?
I’d really appreciate advice from people who’ve experienced something similar rather than assumptions that this is just relationship drama.
Edit: A lot of people are saying “just move out”. We are not Westerners, we are of Asian background, so leaving your parents’ home/support system is considered a huge step culturally even at 23. That doesn’t make the situation healthy, but it does make it a lot more psychologically and culturally complicated than people think.