Sometimes I wonder...
Currently, I am in a stage in which I am grieving like in that story that Neville Goddard told in one of his readings:
>"I have had people say to me, 'You know, I want that man, and no other man.' I said, 'No, you don't; you want to be happily married. You don't want that man or no man.' 'Oh, yes, that man or no man.' Then, of course, this always shocks them. I say, 'If he dropped dead right now, would you want to be married?' 'Well, he isn't going to drop...' 'I didn't ask you that. If he dropped dead right now, or if he is right this very moment accused of being the world's greatest thief or murderer, do you still want him?' 'Well, now, why ask those questions, Neville? I want that man.' But, you see, it isn't that man. They want to be happily married. I have gone to so many weddings where it was either that man or none, and it wasn't 'that man'! And they are embarrassed when they see me standing in the aisle, because it had to be 'that man or no man,' and here it isn't that man at all. And they walk down—they are happy with their new mate, but a little sheepish as they pass by because they know I know he was not the man."
-Neville Goddard, "Power" lecture, 1968.
Let me tell you a little more about my SP. She is currently with a 3P, we have had our things despite it. Long story short: In August 2025, I invited her to my birthday party, curiously enough the 3P left the city for work around that time, but she still attended. Throughout the entire party, she didn't leave my side. She was very affectionate and interested in me, and we ended up kissing (the story is much longer, and I'm omitting many details, but I don't want to make it the focus of this post; I hope to share it someday). A lot has happened since then. I've seen her again at events and parties, and honestly, I've been accumulating impatience and anxiety because a relationship with her hasn't materialized (3P is still there...).
I've never had a girlfriend in my life; it's always been situations that ultimately leave me devastated, and sometimes I can't stop thinking that the same thing will repeat itself. Fortunately, I realize that it's simply attachment, and that I have the power to decide that neither that nor anything else will affect me more than I allow it to. And don't get me wrong, I know that self-concept is crucial in manifestation, and I constantly receive evidence that I am loved, chosen, and appreciated, since there are always people seeking me out, asking for my advice, inviting me to places, including me in their plans, showing me their appreciation, my friends adore and praise me, and my family is the best I could have had (obviously with its flaws). But my ego (doing its job) starts to wonder, "Why not? Why am I not with the person I choose, despite the circumstances?"
Going back to my initial premise, "I want that man, and no other man," I've thought deeply about whether if what I really want is a relationship and not that person, but for now, honestly, I wouldn't want a relationship if it's not with her, and I know I must learn to embrace the feeling of the wish fulfilled despite what 3D shows. Sometimes it's hard not to spiral and abandon the desire altogether. Sometimes I wonder if it is the best thing to do.. but I can't help thinking that's exactly what I did in the past, and I keep wondering what would have happened if I had persisted…
Feel free to share your thoughts and perspectives. I appreciate any comments in advance, especially if anyone has been or is currently going through a similar situation.