So I should start this off by saying I’m late diagnosed. Got diagnosed roughly a year and a half ago. I’m currently a 35 year old male. I spent most of my life knowing I had ADHD but knowing next to nothing about how it actually affects you. Never once considered that I was autistic as well.
Anyways, after getting diagnosed my life slowly started falling apart. I went into a serious burnout that lasted a little over a year. During that time my anger was on a hair trigger, I was easily overwhelmed by lights and sounds, and even the sounds of my kids playing together could overwhelm me. I should mention with my anger I’m all bark and no bite as my psych says. Still I was deeply ashamed of how I was acting but I didn’t feel there was anything I could do about it. Also lost my job of 7 years because they closed 3rd shift and I couldn’t work 1st. After a while and some new medication, I was finally starting to feel like myself again. Hell better. And then the break up happened.
I guess dealing with me during my burnout was too much for my then fiancé and she told me that she loved me but she was no longer in love with me and we broke up. We had been together for 10 years with two kids. And yes I know 10 years and still engaged. That was more due to financials than anything. But it broke my heart and sent me into a deep depression I’m still recovering from. Since the we’ve had to live together due to neither of us having a support system outside of other really. And since the breakup she’s told me I’m her best friend, the first person she thinks of when she wants to tell someone something, the person she called when her anxiety overwhelmed her, paid for all the house bills (she has her own bills she pays), and even split the chores. And still she says she has no desire to get back together. So I try to move on. I had found a new job for the past 7 months and things were starting to look a little up.
Since we were stuck living together it felt like purgatory. Just stuck around the person who broke my heart who acted like she wanted to be just friends but I don’t really have the desire. I made the decision to move out. I didn’t have much money to my name but I figured I’d be able to save up easier if I just lived in my car for a few months and it would force her to face a life without me there to help. Then the DAY BEFORE I was gonna move out, I get pulled into HR and told the company is downsizing and I’m being let go with 4 weeks of severance. Like what were the fucking chances man….
Anyways now I’m staying with my ex for another month trying to save for a place and find a new job and I’m just so overwhelmed and don’t know what to do anymore. Any time I try to get better or move on it seems like something just adds to my problems and it’s just so hard right now. I appreciate anyone who reads this and I just wanted to rant a bit about my life lately