I wont go into my whole story. Not right now im so exhausted and bitter and sad. Its just i remembered again that my mom hates being around me but is angry that i spend time with friends instead. She gets angry just hearing or seeing me or remembering i exist. I yawn and i get berated. I laugh on the phone and get berated. I get very very sick and cant stop coughing and get berated. Yet she expects me to adore her.
As far back as i can remember so maybe 5 or 6 years old? My mom would get angry at both big and little things and tell me she couldn’t stand to be around me or look at me and she would rather go back to work and be miserable cause at least i wasnt there.
Im 28 now and its the same. She hates me. I think she always has.
I also live with my slightly younger golden child sister and my enabler father. I wonder all the time why my family kept me if theyve always hated me. It would have been kinder to give custody to a family friend or put me up for adoption or something. I wish i realized how horrible my situation is when i was a minor or even 18 so i could get help before my physical and mental health dropped. Now im stuck and cant work or take care of myself. Im a mess and just getting off my couch(not bed because my room was used for hoarding, starting when i was in elementary school) is so agonizing. Im not giving up and have friends in town supporting me but we are all suffering and no one can take me in. If i can get my disability set up it might be enough for me to be able to contribute to getting food and rent somewhere away from my house. Any advice or support is appreciated.