How to deal with extremely bad experiences as a sub?
Hey, I hope this post kinda fits the subreddit.
I’ve already posted once about this situation on here and thanks again for all the helpful advice🫶🏻 To summarise, a guy took advantage of me after just being raped and made me get drunk even tough I explicitly told him that I couldn’t say no due to all the recent trauma. That didnt stop him and he loved how “pliable” I was once I was drunk.
I just “unlocked” a new memory of the event, that I apparently suppressed before. When I was drunk, but still aware of the situation - so more than just tipsy, but not drunk drunk- I actually said no to several things he wanted me to do. Things I’ve always said no to before. He knew that I wasn’t comfortable with them. That was the exact moment he started forcing me to drink every time I said no. I can visibly remember him saying “if you can still say no, you’re not drunk enough”. I can’t believe that I forgot that memory or just how bad he was. I want to mention that I’m not trying to paint myself as the completely innocent victim here, I willingly took part in the situation at first. I was stupid and in a very bad place.
But his lack of empathy and conscience, ot even just basic respect for me is still jarring. I forgot that he was like that.
How do I possibly move on from this? I know I could go to therapy and get professional help, but my view on sex/ power dynamics is actually more the problem right now. Are there actually good doms out there? I’m not trying to sound like a misandrist, I know that good men do exist, but I just feel hopeless. I would love to keep playing with doms, but how do I know if they’re safe? I have to admit this post is also just me venting, because I can’t talk to anyone about this. Nobody knows this side of me.
I guess I’m really just asking what I should do now. How do people deal with bad BDSM experiences?