My husband and I are going through a difficult financial stage. A few years ago we moved far away from my family and closer to his because of a job that was supposed to be really good. To keep it short, the job didn’t turn out the way we expected, and after several job changes he is now rebuilding his career. He’s doing well, but we’re still not stable.
We have a 4 year old who goes to preschool three days a week. I take care of him, drive him everywhere, cook, clean the house, and also work from home whenever I can doing consulting work.
With that small income I help with expenses like groceries. On the months I earn more I pay for my son’s school and my personal expenses. I try to stay positive and keep my energy up, but honestly I feel like I can’t handle it anymore. It feels like too much. On top of that, my husband always needs attention, which is sweet, but it feels like too much for one person.
Even with my help it’s not enough to get out of debt. I use his card for gas and extra expenses, and at the end of this month he complained that I left our son in extended hours ( to work) without telling him, that I make expenses without letting him know, and that he is the only one who has to pay for everything. He said he feels like an ATM, like he constantly has to give money.
He said several things that hurt me because I feel like he doesn’t value all the work I do or what I save day to day. He says all the debt is under his name, and he even complained that I go to brunch with my friends and spend without control, even though I pay for that myself and it’s at most every two weeks. I also need time to disconnect and vent with my friends.
I told him it didn’t feel fair and that I feel very unappreciated. He said he didn’t say anything wrong, that it’s the truth, and that I’m not supporting him while we’re going through a hard time. I feel bad because I do want him to feel supported, but at the same time I’m hurt. Before I didn’t have any income, and now that I do it feels like it hasn’t helped at all. When I explain what I spend on, he just says they are excuses. Am I really a bad wife? I feel like I will never be enough for him.
We had a big argument and now we’re not speaking. I feel like packing my things and going back to my hometown, but I love my family and I always try to fight to keep us together. I don’t know what to do.
Thank you for reading me.