I get super overwhelmed with visual clutter but also feel completely helpless about it? My house is cluttered. It stays that way despite my best efforts. I follow Dana K White and try to do her system but I feel like I am just always drowning in stuff. I fantasize about getting a big rollaway dumpster and just pitching 90% of my stuff. Cue my 2 elementary age kids, my (male) ADHD partner, and our 4 pets. One of my kids in particular is a “stuff” kid, ascribing a living personality to every object so it’s hard to trash or donate things (I was also this way). My partner is the type of ADHD that has tons of clutter but doesn’t care. I think there’s also gendered dynamics here around house cleanliness, domestic labor, etc. It is so hard to get any help from him and if I do get it it requires nagging or at the very least the labor of me asking and/or writing out what I need him to do.
I asked him all week to put away his clean clothes. Last night I said “can you please put your clothes away tomorrow? I’ve asked you multiple times.” He got upset. I went to bed. By mid afternoon today the clothes were still there so I approached him and said “I need more help keeping the house clean.” He asked for examples and I said putting his clean clothes away and helping keep the house vacuumed. He brought the 4 pets to the relationship and they moved into my (very carpeted) house. The kids are mine, not his. He got really upset and told me that my expectations were unreasonable. This obviously isn’t our first conversation about this. I know he has ADHD but he also blamed stress at work and we literally have the exact same job. I told him that living together wasn’t going to work out because I will get resentful. That was probably a little extreme of me to say. He took 2 pets and a bunch (but not all) of his clothes and left, then texted to call me manipulative for “threatening” resentment if he doesn’t do what I want. I’m at a loss. I know this is only tangentially about ADHD but I don’t like telling my friends my relationship drama. I don’t even know what I’m asking for - just to vent I guess.